Retail hates

[Gary 0]

I've just got back from a small trip around the shops and it was enough to convince me that, this Christmas - if I cant double-click on it, no-ones getting it.

 

Do any of the following things happen to you when you get to the shops?

 

Car Parks... you're following the one-way signs .... you're halfway down one aisle of parking bays and see "A SPACE http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/scared.gif " in the next aisle, but...by the time you get there, someone else has approached it from the WRONG WAY round the one-way system, and nabbed it. http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/wallbash.gif

 

Supermarkets: With a belief that when choosing which till queue to join, its the paying, signing etc which takes the time, rather than (within reason) the number of goods, I choose the queue which had the least number of people in it - only to find out, when the little ol' lady in front of me with 40 items has actually bought a few items for Maggie, a few items for Mr Wendel, a few items for Joyce, a few items for Bert, and a few items for herself, and she wants SEPARATE receipts for each person...oh...and some of the people have given her vouchers and coupons... http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/wallbash.gif Meanwhile, at the till next to me, trolleys of "NORMAL" shoppers are whizzing though... ohhh and how come the lady behind the till can open the stupid plastic bags in a flash, with one hand, whilst looking elsewhere, but the bags stay firmly closed until you hold the bag inches away from your eyes and assume a stance akin to someone about to rip a telephone directory apart...

 

All Shops: When paying with real money, and you purchases held in one hand - the server hands over your receipt, the paper £ notes, the loose change, and your loyalty card - all in one pile...even though all these things live in different pockets/wallet etc and your other hand isnt free to do any sorting.

 

All shops: The server accepts your £5 note, £20 note whatever, and stops everything, whilst he/she holds the note in both hands and holds it up to the light? Ever asked what they're looking for?.... A 3 inch high watermark bearing the word "FAKE" perhaps?

 

Closed Ears at the check-out... "Hi there, heres my credit card, and can I have £30 cash back please"....(check out person nods)....20 seconds later "Do you want any cash back...?" (try it...works everytime).... Make this inattentiveness work for you ... (I've done this next bit 4 times but always owned up when they've be suckered).... Ask for £30, when they ask how would you like the money, think about it for a while and say "oohhh urm 8 x £5 notes please." http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/whistling.gif http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif

 

Chip'n'Pin: Anyone else keep leaving their credit/debit card in the stupid card reader yet? - some of them tell you to remove your card, some dont.

 

Cheques and inattentive staff - I wrote a cheque this morning at a shop, they printed the cheque for me, but were so busy chatting to Tracy about Darren that they forgot to ask me to sign the cheque - guess I'll be getting some snotty letter about that, asking me to make my way in again for an autograph on the same cheque. Maybe I will...maybe ... http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/whistling.gif

 

Large Shops: Even when you've survived most of the above trials...theres still one more waiting for you...even before you make it to the exit.... its...Flat roof/double glazing/carpet cleaner hire/in-store credit card person... their dull, lifeless face illuminates as you approach, and they shine that smile that a halogen headlight would be pleased to possess... these are often staffed by the 17 year old, who you'd happily say "I dont buy anything from anyone who insults their suit by wearing it with Nike trainers"...except for the fact that he's 7ft tall and has probably had his clipbaord registered as a lethal weapon.

 

In the shop doorway....you've almost made it out to the car park or street, but no...standing right in the doorway, the bottleneck of the entire retail estabishment, are at least two old dears doing their coat up, someone thumbing their mobile phone and some bloke in a flat cap scrutinising his receipt to see if his Denture Cleaner went through on the 2-for-1 offer.

 

In the car park (multi-storey or surface)...you've just opened the boot of your car...you want to make sure that you dont pack the heavy stuff on top of any delicate stuff - it should take you about 4 minutes...but as you lift the first bag in, you glance up and see a stationary car, engine running, with the driver mouthing "Are you going?" at you... you doubt that you mouthing "No for about 5 minutes" is going to be understood, so you rush it...

 

In the surface car park... you're about to pull forward out of your space...you look left, you look right...all clear...you edge forward...NO WAIT.... some glarey coloured car is making its way diagonally across the car park, totally ignoring all the lanes and parking bays painted brightly on the ground - No, hes taking the "as the crow flies route" - of course, those lines dont apply to him...whatever gave you the idea that they did...

 

Argh!!!! http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/1106.gif http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/ranting.gif

 

Anyone encounter these, or others?

Edited November 17, 2005 by Gary

[ChrisPointon 0]

 

"Radio Announcer" - The checkout operator who yells across the supermarket to the supervisor on customer services...' Judy!, is anusol on a two for one offer this week?'

 

"E Numbers make you hyper" - The brat who is determined to knock over the sweet display counter in front of you by pulling it over.

 

"Impossible Mission" - The mother of two, who is determined to get both of her kids into the car at the same time without taking them out of the double buggy, and decides to open the door so wide that it bangs the door of your own car. Then, just to test that there really is another car in the way stopping the door from opening fully, she bangs it once again, even harder! http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/wallbash.gif

 

"The Kerb Crawler" - The slow moving car which looks like it is about to pull into a parking space, and then at the last minute swerves back in front of you. Repeat this seven times until he's finally done a circuit of the car park and found where is wife is waiting with the trolley.

 

"Trolley Dollies" - The two nice old ladies who have stopped for a chat right in the middle of the aisle blocking it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[YourBigEvent 0]

Just finished most of the shopping, whilst listening to the radio, watching an old edition of Newsnight I missed, and drinking cups of tea.

 

Be with me in 48 hours.

[Dynamicdiscos 0]

I know how you feel gary. That's why I finished my xmas shopping last month.

 

It's all wrapped too as I'm so busy in Dec I won't have time.

[chrismk 0]

oh, so Im not alone on this planet thinking the same, I drive a big lorry now and then and what really gets me is people will sit in the left lane doing say 54,5 mph, we have governors fitted and al lthe HGVs can do is 55, so you indicate, car in middle lane lets you move over, you're about to indicate to move back into the left lane, wha tdoes the little &%$£ do, he accelerates past you on the inside, even worse still, cars or lorries sitting in the middle lane doing 50 tops and you want to over take a lorry on your left and them, you cant move to the right because lorries arnt allowed......is that right...

 

What about check outs, they run out of till parper and realise they dont have any, or they change over just as you get to them, they have to count the money and so, takes a good 5 mins+, 2nd time they did it to me I walked off leaving the conveyor full of shopping and went to Sainsburys, only after I told them prior that they should close the checkout before doing this sort of thing, http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/wallbash.gif http://www.dj-forum.co.uk/html//emoticons/wallbash.gif